A Pond Without

He's out there.

He's out there right now.

Again.

He's looking for you-know-who (spelled f-r-o-g).
But, I told him that you-know-who is you-know-GONE.

He can't believe that Herb has crept away as silently as the "H" in his first name.
He can't accept the fact that his muse would leave without saying goodbye.
He can't imagine life without his little buddy.

Yeah, ol' Herby Boy hopped the froggy freight train outta here.
Herbalino rolled up his lily pad and checked out.
Herbidatious Maximus has other ponds to conquer.
Herbaby has other creeks to croak.

He'll probably come back next year,
but in the meantime...

What'll I do
when you
are far away
and I
am blue
what'll I do?

I know just how Irving Berlin felt when he wrote that.

Elegy to a Groundhog

I'm sorry to say we had to have our neighborhood groundhog "evicted" yesterday.

It was a "permanent" eviction, if you catch my meaning.

He won't be back...ever...anywhere.

We had hoped it wouldn't come to this.
We had hoped he'd take the hints and move on.
But, he did the opposite.
Built another den with four plunge holes going under our neighbors shed
and only accessible from our yard,
started tearing apart my flower beds,
was caught red-handed eating my parsley, tomatoes and carrots.

So, we called in a professional.
He was scientific about it,
gave a lot (I mean, A LOT) of explanation about the procedure,
told me I watched too many Walt Disney movies when I was a kid,
that it was just a destructive varmint
like a big rat
that needed to be destroyed.

He assured me it would be done humanely,
that the trap made it quick.
And I think it was.
No sign of any struggle.
I don't think he suffered.

Still I'm a little sad about it.
So, in honor of the Groundhog, I've written the following:

"Elegy To A Groundhog "

Up in Groundhog Heaven
there's empty fields all around
full of greens
and giant soybeans
you can eat 'em by the pound.

Up in Groundhog Heaven
no one gives a hoot
if you dig some holes
invite the moles!
and eat the carrot root.

Up in Groundhog Heaven
the days are long and warm
the only threat
is you might get wet
from a passing summer storm.

Up in Groundhog Heaven
your friends will all be there
to run and play
or roll in zee hay
without a worry or care.

Up in Groundhog Heaven
just past the Pearly Gate
there lies a glen
where you'll build a den
in which to hibernate.

Up in Groundhog Heaven
I'll see you there someday
I'll look high and low
just to say "hello"
then I'll be on my way.

My Senses Are Peaked

I think there is some kind of anomaly occuring in the warp and woof of time and space.

In other words, something weird is going on and I'm tuning into it.

Is it the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius or some mystical menopausal phase I'm going through?

I'm not sure and I find it fascinating.

During the past three or four days some "thing" will occur to me and I'll wonder about it. Then, within 48 hours, I'll receive a direct answer to my question. And, the answer is not allegorical at all, but absolutely clear.

For example, on Tuesday I noticed two vehicles on the road, both with "U.S. Government" license plates and I wondered, "How many vehicles does the government actually own? It must cost a fortune to insure and maintain them."

The NEXT DAY in the headlines I see:

U.S. government loves its cars: Vehicles cost taxpayers $3.4 billion

The government owns 642,233 vehicles.

Then, on Wednesday, The Man asked out loud, "I wonder how ol' Annette Funicello is doing?" It was a strange question, in that it had nothing to do with anything we were doing at the moment. But, I started thinking about her, too. I knew she had multiple sclerosis, but I hadn't read anything about her in years.

THE NEXT DAY I was dashing through the grocery store check out. I look up at the rack of tabloid newspapers and see a blazing yellow headline:

Annette Funicello on Life Support: Asks fans to "Pray for me!"

Oh, and another thing, people are accidentally wearing their shirts inside out. The Man has done it (he actually does it frequently, so maybe he doesn't count), but my friend down the street did it recently and it was very odd. Then, today, I found MYSELF wearing my shirt on inside out!! I haven't done that since I was about three years old.

I know it sounds like nothing, but "nothing" to you certainly feels like "something" to me.

I'll keep you posted on this.