Monday, January 5, 2009

Nasty Words

Pardon me for being vulgar in my previous blog.

"You used nasty words and it was not a good thing to do," said The Man.
He told me that I should think of my mother and my grandmothers.
What would they say about my use of crude language? (Mom, you don't
have to respond. I already know the answer.)

So, I've had a re-think and now I'm ashamed of myself for giving into the
sloppiness and baseness that has become de rigeur in our society.

Think about it, old people out there. Remember when we had manners?
Remember when men and women dressed as best as they could when they
went to the store or even to sporting events? You've seen the old film footage of
people in the stands at some baseball game and everybody's dressed in their
Sunday best, women in dresses with hats and gloves, men in suits and hats.
They look so refined.

It's hard to believe isn't it? But, I remember it well. I remember my Dad
taking me to Dodger stadium for an afternoon game, just the two of us. We
got seats about ten rows above first base. I wore my best pink dress and polished
white saddle shoes. We sat in the sun and watched Sandy Koufax throw zingers.

My Dad, an ex-Triple A player and current little league umpire, was there to have
a good time and I soon learned that for him the fun involved yelling at the first
base umpire, telling him he was blind, that he'd sure blown that call, and making
inquiries as to where in the world he'd learned to call a game.

I sat there carefully eating my frozen, chocolate malt, a delicacy, making sure
nothing dripped off the flat, wooden spoon. As my Dad yelled, my attention
was drawn from my malt to the people who were turning around looking to
see who was making such a racket. They'd smile and shake their heads. I slid
down in my seat. I was mortified. My Dad was yelling and people were looking.
We were becoming a spectacle! Horror of horrors!

By the third inning the umpire started getting annoyed. He looked up a few
times to see who the heck was giving him such a hard time, much to my father's
sheer delight. He was gleefully berating this guy, releasing his life's frustrations.

Finally, after a close and "lousy call," my Dad really let loose. He called the guy
an idiot and said he shouldn't be allowed to officiate a game. That's when the
umpire had had enough. He turned around, put his hands on his hips and glared
up, right at my Dad. He was about to say something when my Dad yelled out:
"What are you lookin' at me for? You keep your eye on the ball!"

I'll never forget those words. They're embedded in the innermost fabric of my brain.

People laughed. I was embarrassed to the point of inability to swallow my malt and
started choking.

But the point I wanted to make is that through the whole thing no one ever yelled
an obscenity. The language wasn't vulgar. It was descriptive and innovative.

Anyway, that's what I am going to strive for now as I return to Rome where I am
and where I should be writing about but amn't because I got distracted and nasty.

So, sorry. Ciao.

2 comments:

TomC said...

Hmmm. Well, I really really liked it. It was just enough scatology to spice the humor. It was atypical of your writing which added the element of surprise and it added precise reality to the charm of your encounter with The Man. No apology necessary although the story of you and your Dad was terrific. So there.

Perry Barber said...

Dear Big Giant Waiter: It would be nice to know that you learned something valuable from the experience of being at the ballpark with your dad while he so viciously and vocally, albeit "without obscenities," criticized the umpire. Unfortunately, your education seems to have ended at the point where you declare that because your dad didn't curse or swear, that that somehow excuses or justifies his behavior. And he himself was an umpire! That only makes his behavior more mystifying and inexcusable. Perhaps now that you are older and wiser, you will look back in retrospect and understand that your father's behavior was unacceptable, regardless of his linguistic restraint. Berating and belittling the umpires, who are doing their best and and deserve our thanks, not our condemnation, for the job they do, seldom sets an example of good behavior for young daughters and sons to follow. I hope you as an adult (and parent) are wiser for the failings of your own father, and that you comprehend that such behavior, while it says little about the skill of the umpire he was so loudly demeaning (and disrupting the enjoyment of all around him in the process, including yours!) it speaks volumes about the kind of person your father was. I hope he never suffered the same barrage of hostility directed at him while HE was umpiring little league baseball that he himself directed at that big league umpire. We should be grateful there are those among us willing and capable enough to take on a job that leaves them open to such unfair and mostly unwarranted criticism. Excusing or romanticizing your dad's behavior just because he didn't technically "swear" is no substitute for real understanding or introspection.