Metro Drones

Look at this sorry lot.

Really look at them.

Look at them standing there
enduring each other, trying
to maintain some semblance
of life space.

This is progress? This is the
best we can do?


Let me introduce you to the brave workers of the planet. This is what they have to do
every day as part of the terms of their survival. Some people dig through garbage mounds,
these people ride the Metro.

They're gripping the rails and hanging on to their sanity with the help of ipods. How sad.

And, they pay for this convenience! They pay, while their elected officials speed around in
chauffeur driven cars with blue flashing lights on top! When's the last time any senator of
Rome rode the metro or a bus?

These people avoid looking in each others eyes in order to suspend their disbelief that they
are indeed packed in a sardine can speeding down the track to nowhere. However, if you
happen to catch someone's glance for a fleeting moment, all you'll get in return is an expression
of despair to match your own.

You know one thing you WON'T see in this crowd? Madonna, that's what! Or, Angelina Jolie!
Or George Clooney! Or Bono...especially Bono! Or any of those other celebrities who moan
and cry about the sad, poor, rejected people of the world. And, you know why you won't see
them in this crowded metro, or any other similar place? Because they travel by private jet
and limo and blackened-windowed SUV with body guards completely isolated from the
people they claim to care so much about. Do you think Madonna has to listen to noisy
neighbors in the upstairs apartment at 2:00 a.m.?! Do you think Angelina stands in line
with a hundred other pushy people to buy her daily bread? No way! These delicate flowers
wouldn't stand a chance in the real world! Without a red carpet on which to tread, they'd get
trampled to dust.

I was thinking about these outrageous hypocrisies while we made our way to outer Rome
the other day. The trip involved bus and metro rides - all crowded. The infrastructure
can't support the growing population anymore.

Whenever I'm in situations involving a crowd of humans unknown to me - humans that
could potentially be carrying the latest nanovirus or some resistant strain of T.B.; humans
that might not have bathed in recent memory, who scratch invisible itch-causing stimuli;
humans that should be under constant observation and prohibited from handling kitchen
appliances unattended - these people en masse cause me stress. I clench up. I shrink away
from them. Heaven forbid any one of them should touch me...How disgusting that would
be...I shouldn't have to put up with this!...I'm too good for this!!... a patrician in a world of
hideous plebs!!!...Get Me Out Of Here!!!!...Mamaaaaaa!

I was thinking along those lines while seated next to eighteen year old scruffy boy on
the Metro, a boy who sat there continuously gnawing on his fingers. I mean he was just
chewing and biting his nails! Was he hungry or what?! I don't know, but it was so gross
and I just sat there thinking, "oh my God, he's going to spit finger nail on my jacket any
minute!" but I still just sat there because I had a seat on this Godforsaken trolley car
and if you've got a seat and have lived in this town long enough you learn that you NEVER,
EVER give up your seat no matter how many pregnant women, old crippled people, the
blind or crying lost kids come by looking pleadingly at you...YOU NEVER GIVE UP A
SEAT!, so that's the only reason I kept sitting there while this kid ate himself up.

What have all the wise sages said throughout time? Love Your Fellow Man. Have
endless compassion. All You Need Is Love. Jesus, Buddha, The Dalai Lama, John Lennon...

But I doubt any of them ever rode the Metro!

'Course, knowing them, they would probably have a great time and get a big kick out of it.

Okay, so next time I'm going to pretend like all the smelly, crazy, nail-biting people are
really the above named prophets. They're all horsing around trying to see how far they
have to go to really freak 'ol Meri out!