The Virgin Mary and the Four Dwarfs

When I'm dead and sneaking through the Pearly Gates, after I ask St. Peter who really killed Jimmy Hoffa, I'm gonna ask him to pleeease explain the appeal of Yard Ornaments, in particular the cement goose with holiday outfits that you can actually purchase in stores and online. "Outfits for a cement goose, St. Peter! I don't understand!"

When I first moved here to O, I had never before seen a cement goose. The Man's aunt had one sitting on her front porch, dressed in a bonnet and apron, which signified I didn't know what, so I never commented on it until one rainy day we went over there for a visit and there was the goose dressed in bright yellow foul-weather gear...or was it "fowl" weather gear. I mean it was really obvious that someone had actually gone outside, looked at the sky, thought "hmmmm, looks like rain," went into the house to retrieve the goose clothing (from the goose closet, I assume), went back out and dressed the thing appropriately.

So, I asked about it. I said something along the lines of "Uh, your cement goose has costumes?" The answer I got revealed that this particular goose had a wardrobe more extensive than anything my Barbie doll ever dreamed of!

I guess the shock of that realization was what distracted me from grabbing Toto and leaving O altogether. Instead, I began to notice other peculiar ornamentation.

- The Kissing Dutch boy and Dutch girl;
- Teams of Clydesdale horses;
- The silhouette of an Amish man smoking a pipe;
- A deer (think Bambi's father) standing tall with full rack of antlers;
- The gazing ball, a huge Christmas ball sitting on a pedestal - which I have to admit I kinda liked until I realized how pointless they were because I never saw anyone actually gazing at one;
- Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, which is a very popular choice. But, I mean it, when I see Snow White and only two or five dwarfs standing nearby, I get really bothered wondering where the "missing" dwarfs are. Did they get lost? Are they dead? What happened?

This afternoon as we drove home from the pool I noticed a grouping that indicated someone else shared my concern. There on the lawn, amongst some flowers stood The Virgin Mary and the Four Dwarfs.

I WANT TO LIVE NEXT DOOR TO THOSE PEOPLE!

(And, just so you know, we DO have a yard ornament of a sort. We have a blue rock. It's large and egg shaped and it wasn't always blue. It originally washed up on our neighbors shore along the lake and he gave it to The Man who brought it home. We stood it up in the front yard and prior to Halloween I painted it orange with a pumpkin face. All was well until one morning I woke up to discover a half-empty beer can sitting where our rock used to be. It was an absolute mystery until a police investigation revealed that during a party at our across-the-street neighbor's house, one of the drunken participants took our rock and threw the thing through the windshield of our neighbor's car. After the rock was fingerprinted and questioned, we were able to retrieve it and, happily, all charges were dropped. We took the thing, painted it blue and moved. It now sits in our backyard surrounded by a team of Clydesdales, the Virgin Mary and EIGHT dwarfs (two Dopey's!) - all reflected in a giant gazing ball, where, we hope, it has learned it's lesson and will not be tempted to commit any more crimes of passion.)