Nomenclature

L-Bird. She's my eternally-ten-year-old niece. In the last few years, she's graduated from high
school, gone to university, then on to medical school. She's now an award-winning D.O.ctor and if
I lived in the Denver area I would want only her to treat me, but she says she can't because I'm
family, which makes me really mad and is the reason I don't live in Denver.

However, I think that if L-Bird and I were shipwrecked on some island with like one palm tree
sticking up in the middle of it, and say I happened to find an old soggy piece of Oreo cookie stuck
to the bottom of my flip-flop and ate it without sharing, and then say it got lodged in my throat
and I started choking and turning blue and rolling around in the sand, well, I think L-Bird might
administer the Heimlich Maneuver. Although she'd probably sit on a coconut and think about it
for awhile, NOT about the ethical consequences of treating a family member...but about whether
or not she should save someone who would actually scarf up the last piece of Oreo and not give
her any.

L-Bird got married a couple of years ago and is now expecting her first baby. I don't know if she
and her husband,E-Man, have decided on a name but I spent the better part of my day
yesterday giving the matter serious thought.

I like naming things and I think it would be great fun to be the official "Namer" in my clan.
Family members with newborns would make a pilgrimage to my cave, bearing fruits, animal
skins and Oreos, and say "Oh Great Namer, we beg you to bestow a name on our child." I'd take
the baby, place it on a Quija Board-type thing, use his or her little pointed head as a planchette,
move it around and then say, "O hear me, my people. The child's name is....."YES."

"Oh, come on, Great Namer, that's a lousy name!" the crowd would cry.
"Do it again! Or we're taking back the Oreos!!" they'd threaten.
Geesh, okay, okay. Then I'd put the kid back on the Ouija Board, move it around the letters this
time and come back and announce, "O my people. The child's name is "FLARTMEERK."
"Hooray! Hooray!" the people would yell.

Yesterday I was dallying with the idea of what I would name my children; before I sent them off
to a lifetime of military academies and finishing schools, that is. (Just kidding.) Here are my Top
Four choices in reverse order, girl names first:

• Tabbouleh. I like the sound and it's what I had for lunch. Nickname: Tabby or Boo (and speaking of "Boo," any name from To Kill A Mockingbird, Atticus, Scout, Boo - those are all good names.)
• Diamond. Any of the precious gem stones are good, Opal, Pearl, Lapus Lazuli is especially good, or Topaz, the more precious the better. Nickname: Di or Sparkle.
• Sunday Gay. I had a friend once with this name and I think it's the happiest name in the world. Actually, any of the days of the week are good, with the exception of Thursday. But, it would be fun to say things like, "What day is it Wednesday, Friday?" and "Hey, I gotta date with Tuesday on Thursday!" and stuff like that.
• Buttercup. This is my all-time-most-favorite girl name. It's a name that fits any age, from Baby Buttercup to Gramma Buttercup, it always sounds sweet. (And, for those of you thinking, "Hey, that's the name of Dale Evans' horse!" Well, you must be really old is all I have to say!)

Now for the boy names:

• Firefly. I just like fireflies. They're magical. Plus, I think it'd really be neat to hang out with some guy named Firefly. Nickname: Fly or Glow Worm
  
• Horatio. It's an heroic name, a leader's name. It's strong. The kind of name you'd give a kid who would go out and slay dragons in the backyard, find secret pirate messages in his bowl of Alpha-Bits cereal, and win the Soap Box Derby with a car that fires cannons from the port side. Nickname: Ray or Rat, depending on my mood at the time.
  
• Aldous. I don't know how the Huxley family came up with this, but it's a winner. Nickname: None. You have to say it in it's entirety every time.
• Comet. I mean it, this name makes me want to run out, get pregnant and come home with a baby boy. I want to say things like, "Get your tail in here, Comet!" Nickname: Com, Halley
  

Okay, that's it. The Great Namer is tired and needs rest...a good long rest.