I took a look at the want ads in the
Lime Plant City Register a few days ago.
I was not looking for employment. Rather, I
was curious to see how the current economic
crisis was affecting the job market in the area.
I figured that the crisis would be reflected in
the number and type of jobs available.
Then, I saw this:
Company Location: The Land of O
Job Description: Director Of First And Last ImpressionsOffice/Clerical, Bustling companion and agricultural animal medical establishment is seeking director of first and last impressions. Fast paced, dynamic and vibrant atmosphere requires person with enthusiasm, motivation and professionalism. Multi-task, manage heavy phone call volume and command of computer, organizational and people skills.Training provided. Forward letter of introduction and resume to info@animalhosp.com by April 30th
I have no idea what they're talking about. I mean, just exactly what is a "bustling
companion?" And when I read "agricultural animal medical establishment," I picture
Mr. Ed wearing a nurses cap with a stethoscope hanging around his neck. I'm stumped.
But, that's nothing compared to the job title itself: Director of First and Last Impressions.
Uh, I don't care what anyone says, THAT is a groovy job title. I would be honored to
shake the hand of the person who came up with that one! I mean, imagine the look on
the face of the person you're standing next to at some cocktail party after they ask you,
"And what do you do for a living?" to which you reply, "Oh, I'm the Director of First and Last
Impressions. Here's my card."
I WANT THIS JOB!!!
I am so utterly qualified and experienced. In fact, if they hire me, I'm certain that within
two weeks they'll have to promote me. Soon they'll be painting on my door:
Director of First and Last Impressions In Five Words Or Less!
Great tie, Bill!
You stink!
Best coffee I've ever had!
Stupidest report ever submitted!
Here comes trouble!
There goes our last hope!
Looking good, Phil!
He's on his last legs.
You're a whiz kid!
That guy's nuts!
What a beaut!
What a wreck!
You're fat, Dave!
Donuts are good!
I could go on and on. I'm a natural at this.
In fact, the next time The Man tells me "You are so opinionated!" I'm gonna say,
"No, I am simply innately accurate at issuing forth first and last impressions,
you sniveling, shortsighted, simpleton!"
Well...maybe I'll leave that last part out.
Too bad, though.
7 comments:
Still smackin' them puppies out of the part Meri. You should be here for baseball season or at least to help resurrect newspapers!
I've missed you......why do they want this stupid word verification every time I leave a comment. Are they trying to teach me a new language? What's a oolanter???
or a prallses???? By the by, this is from your brother.
Love,
Tommy
here is a test of the new system to leave a comment without the spam guard in place.
best wishes.
Thanks Tom. You always write the nicest things. Your comments keep me swingin'. But, I don't want to talk too much about baseball..."you know who" might be reading this and I don't want her on my case again.
Hey Bro, you'll be happy to know that The Man informed me that it was possible to remove that weird word deelie bobber. I did, and now you shouldn't have to type things that may be devil-conjuring or insulting to the ears of alien creatures.
Now THAT I did not know... that you can remove the weird word deelie bobber. I will attempt to do so with my blogs this morning. Although I do like those things... "Tatizzle!", "Tatizzle!"
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