Lexapro

Aggression, anxiety, balance issues, blurred vision,
brain zaps, concentration impairment, constipation,
crying spells, depersonalization, diarrhea, dizziness,
electric shock sensations, fatigue, flatulence, flu-like
symptoms, hallucinations, hostility, highly emotional,
indigestion, irritability, impaired speech, insomnia,
jumpy nerves, lack of coordination, lethargy, migraine
headaches, nausea, nervousness, over-reacting to situations,
paranoia, repetitive thoughts or songs, sensory & sleep
disturbances, severe internal restlessness (akathasia),
stomach cramps, tremors, tinnitus, tingling sensations,
troubling thoughts, visual hallucinations, vivid dreams,
nightmares, speech changes, worsened depression.

So, anyway, that's what I've been up to. How about you?

You see, about a year and a half ago my doctor asked me if I were anxious
and depressed. I said, "Sorta." He said, "I can give you a happy pill
if you want." Honestly, he used the term "HAPPY PILL" which just made
it all sound like such an excellent idea, you know? How could "Happy" be
bad for you. So, I said, "You bet!"

Well, now here we are, many months later and I've decided to stop taking
Lexapro, which is the drug's trade name.

The Man encouraged me to quit, saying he wanted the "old me" back. I guess
he likes the hysterical type. But, I decided to quit because the drug is
making me fat and sleepy. Also, there is the fact that the pharmaceutical
company (Forest Laboratories) which "managed to turn this medicinal after-
thought into a bestseller" (New York Times, Sept. 2, 2009), is under Senate
investigation for paying doctors to prescribe the drug to children, etc....
but I don't really care about this because everyone knows that the
pharmaceutical companies are always screwing around.

No, what's important to me is the "fat" part. Almost everyone who takes
this drug complains about the weight gain that follows. So, I ask you,
WHAT KIND OF NINCOMPOOP PHYSICIAN WOULD PRESCRIBE A DEPRESSION
MEDICATION THAT MAKES A WOMAN FAT, HUH? I mean, 99.9% of the reason
I get depressed is because of my weight! How dumb is this guy that he doesn't
know this about me and just about every other woman on the planet Earth?

Anyway, I had no idea. I just thought I was getting fatter because I wasn't
exercising enough or because I was getting old and all my internal organs are
starting to drop to my ankles. But, then I began reading some testimonials
from people on Lexapro and it was all the same thing - they were all getting
fat and hating it.

Another common reaction is tiredness and excess sleeping. I was aware that
I was sleeping more. I'd go to bed at 9:00 and easily sleep until 8:00 the
next morning, dreaming epic dreams, some in foreign languages! It was great,
but not very normal. Also, I noticed that after a thirty-minute lap swim,
I'd come home and need a two hour nap to recover.

All this summer I've been wondering about my complacency. Dust bunnies the
size of tumble-weeds would roll across the floor and, rather than sweep them
up, I'd place mental bets on which one would reach the wall first and explode
on impact. I named the two spiders in the bathroom because, in my mind, "Gee,
everything needs a place to live."

It took me a long time to put two and two together. When I finally figured
it out I decided to taper off the drug very slowly...because this so called
"Happy Pill" will come after you with pitchforks and cauldrons of boiling
tar if you try to escape its clutches, I read.

Everything was fine until I had That Darned Wisdom Tooth (TDWT) pulled.
Well, it was sort of my fault, but anyway, what with all the pain pills
and antibiotic pills and my statin pill, I decided that I'd just quit
the Lexapro altogether because, in my post-surgical, warped mind, it
was one less pill to take.

All went well for about seven days, except for some dizziness and loud
buzzing in my head, which I assumed were affects from the antibiotics
or the Vicodin I was taking for TDWT. But, then I started getting these
brain zap things and then it occurred to me that maybe this had something
to do with the Lexapro.

Duh.

They actually have a name for what I'm going through. It's called SSRI
Withdrawal Syndrome. Yes, it's a "syndrome" and it can last from one to
SEVEN(I Want My Mama)WEEKS!

Today is Day 12 and here are my withdrawal symptoms to date:

Buzzing brain - it's like I can hear every single synapse;
Brain zaps - which are entities in and of themselves and may not be from this world;
Bouts of ferocious irritability that amaze even me;
Dizziness - but only when I'm standing up;
Sleep disturbance - which really gets me because I was so loving that cozy,
deep, gaaaaa sleep I was getting before. Now, I'm waking up at the ungodly
hour of 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning;
Speech impairment - which The Man finds amusing when I'm trying to verbally
abuse him;
Oh, CRYING! - I hadn't cried in the last 18 months, since starting the drug,
but the other day in the driveway this stray kitten shows up and it's meowing
and rubbing itself on my legs and it wants to be loved and petted and I just
looked up at The Man and said, "I can't handle this," and I stormed into the
house, stomped up the stairs, fell on my bed, and had a FANTASTIC crying fit!
It felt soooo gooood ...well, except for the fact that the cute little kitten
was going to have a terrible life and probably premature death, and because we
leave the country every winter I can't have a cat of my own like I was saying
I wanted just the day before, but oh, it felt so good to cry about it;
Hallucinations - I keep thinking this clump of wood in the backyard is a two-foot
long frog. It startles me almost daily.
Vivid dreams/Nightmares - I am seeing more snakes than usual in my dreams
but I can't say they've been really disturbing or scary...so far.

Other than the above, I feel fairly good. I am able to act normal when
around other people and while negotiating small cash transactions.

But, I want to say that this is ONE HELL OF AN EXPERIENCE I am going through.
And, I also say, that I have never experienced withdrawal LIKE THIS from any
other mind-altering drug I've EVER taken in my life, including those consumed
during the rowdy 80's in Hollywood and San Francisco!!

So, anyway, that's what I've been up to. How about you?...or did I already ask that.