Big Giant Feets

I was "in wait" mode with The Man at the airport the other day, looking at the shoes on a woman nearby. They were black leather, long-pointy-toed boots with 4 inch stiletto heels. Then I saw another woman hobble by wearing, essentially, the same thing on her poor, deformed feet.

These two were "stylin'" and they're not alone. All over Rome, women are "out-stylin'" each other by wearing boots only a masochist could love. The "tick-tick-tick" sound the heels made on the linoleum floor as she walked by, translated in my mind to "ouch-ouch-ouch."

People, these are torture mechanisms. If they had been available during the Spanish Inquisition the Catholic priests could have weeded out all those fake Christians that bothered Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand so much. Everyone threatened with those boots would have screamed out, "Yes, I'm really a Jew. Burn me as a heretic, but don't, for the love of God, DON'T make me wear those boots! Ahhhhhhh!"

I looked down at my shoes. Fluffly and Muffy, let's call them.

"They look like something a hobbit would wear," The Man said.
"Hobbits don't wear shoes," I said.
"Well, if they did, that's what they'd wear."
"Yeah, well if the Big Giant came right now, this little hobbit would be outta here so fast."

In my mind, escaping the Big Giant is the ultimate fashion statement.