To The Men Of The World

I'm writing this entry for
all the men of the world.

Listen and listen good.

When you go up to your
woman and try to hug her
and she pushes you away
and says "don't touch me"
don't be offended, don't
look at her all hurt with
your big puppy dog eyes
looking all confused.

Cause let me tell you,
she feels bad enough
already. Looking at her
with your hurt feelings
is only adding to the
torture she's enduring.

Your being hurt is the frosting on the warped cake of her mind.

Instead, stop and think about what she's been doing.
Has she gone shopping, for example? And, I don't mean
shoe or purse or jewelry shopping because that's always
a lot of fun and makes all women very happy.

No, think harder, men. Really make your brain grunt.

If she seems a tad high strung, if when she opens her mouth
balls of fire shoot out, if she has sprung a tail and is whipping
it around the room breaking the furniture, if her eyeballs glow
a lizardly yellow, if her voice has deepened and sounds like
someone threw a chop stick in the garbage disposal, then you
might silently wonder, "she didn't go clothes shopping did she?"

Check her index finger for the telltale, black, coat hanger dirt
smudge. If it's there, and if you have any intellect at all, you'll
be wise to go easy, Buster.

If she's got that smudge, then that means she has spent hours
standing inside filthy, airless, cubicles staring at the contours of
her pathetic body which doesn't look at all like Angelina Jolie's
or Gweneth Paltrow's or even (and, especially!) ol' Madonna's.

No, what she's staring at is something only her sick mind can comprehend...
and it's ALL disgustingly bad.

And, THAT'S why she doesn't want to be touched!

Okay?

It's got nothing to do with YOU! I know this is hard for you, Men Of The World, to
understand, but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

So, lay off. Don't make things worse.

Just give her a day to recuperate.

And, the next time you tell her you're taking her to some fancy exhibition of some guy's
collection of Picasso's, think again.

For your information, she doesn't even like Picasso...
well, his blue period was okay, I guess.