Marmota Monax

We have a Marmota Monax in our backyard.

It sounds like an exotic new car but, sadly, it's not.

Marmota is latin for "I'll Eat Everything In Your Garden"
Monax is latin for "And Destroy The Foundation Of Your House, As Well"

Together they spell GROUNDHOG, otherwise known as WOODCHUCK, also called WHISTLE PIG, which is a wonderfully peculiar name.

I think these rodents are cute little cuddly things; that is, when they're in some farmer's field, seen from the safety of our car speeding along at 80 mph.

But, I don't think they're cute when they are eating the forget-me-nots in my garden.

This one actually arrived last fall. We thought we'd dealt with him, but we were wrong, as proven yesterday. He came out of his den built just under our corner fence which separates us from three of our neighbors.

Two of these neighbors have large dogs, which completely excludes them from this problem altogether...well, mostly.

But, the third neighbor, who is dogless like us, has a huge pile of yard waste (branches, weeds, vines, grass clippings) piled high in the corner of his yard. And, this is the problem. He's created an ideal suburban environment for burrowing animals. Therefore, I have deemed him responsible and have decided that I will (figuratively) stick the marmot monax up his kazoo.

So, using my wits and local resources, I'm stealing dog poop from the neighbors with dogs and dumping it around the groundhog's exit hole (otherwise known as the "plunge hole" - that's really what they call it, I didn't make that up) hoping that this will send the animal to the only logical place - to the neighbor with the hill of yard waste.

That should show him!

But, I've been wondering. Is stealing dog turds a felony?