My Hose Is Dead

If there's any truth to those "past life" theories, than I must have once been killed by a garden hose.

I can't stand hoses and they can't stand me. We always fight.

Just yesterday I decided to take the backyard hose out of its winter storage area. All was going well until the hose woke up and realized I was up to something. I tried to be patient, speaking gently as I hooked it up to the faucet. Then, I began to wind it onto its post. That's when the trouble started and it started squirming and bending in opposition to what I wanted. Initially there were only small kinks to contend with, so I turned on the faucet thinking that a little force in the hose would help it straighten out. Instead, the battle crescendoed and the hose was flailing around my head, my arms were tangled in its coils, water was spraying me in the face. This went on for minutes! It was this unbelievable scene of my garden hose beating me up. I finally broke free, threw it down on the ground and stomped off into the house.

It's still out there. Just laying there, looking all wide-eyed and innocent.

"Look out Hose. It's not over. My name is 'Destiny' and we have a date!"