Uncle Columbo

Columbo's on every Sunday night at about 7:30.

It's been running for as long as I've been coming here. That's over ten years.

I like Columbo. Call me crazy, but that show is eternal, always enjoyable. Even when you've seen the episode seventeen times, you still sit there happy. You're tickled pink that "Uncle Columbo" has stopped by for his Sunday evening visit.

Now, here's the flip side to that happy story. They also run another show from the States, Walker, Texas Ranger. They run this program every evening at 8:20. That's right. I said "every" evening. That's seven days a week, year after year after year.

It is, arguably, the worst show ever produced. It's so bad, you can't believe it, so you sit there with a look of dumb-incomprehension on your face thinking, "this is so bad," but you keep watching because you can't believe anything could be this bad.

It's all dubbed into Italian, so if I look away and do something else the sound of the dialog and, most importantly, the sound-effects of skidding tires, country western theme music, spinning and kicking become part of the atmosphere. This is Walker country, partner.

It's on right now as I type this. We are both at our computers working. The only sound, other than our keyboards tapping, is the sound of Walker's boots on the floor and some fire bomber explosion shooting out of a helicopter outside the 25th floor of a skyscraper window.

Heavenly.

If I had a bigger apartment, I'd leave the room. But, to do that here I'd have to walk outside and stand in the stairwell which would be stupid, I guess.

We don't have a television in Ohio. Turned it off and tuned it out about seven years ago. It wasn't hard, if you're wondering. We never missed it.

We keep connected here for the opportunity to practice the language. At least that's what we tell ourselves.

We turn on the set almost every evening at 7:00 for the national news, followed by the local news at 7:30. Then there's about an hour and a half of void before the evening movie begins. It's in this void that Walker runs. But, a "void" isn't good enough for this show. It deserves a "vacuum." It should be loaded up on the next space shuttle and shot out into space to orbit the earth before slowly re-entering the atmosphere, burning and disappearing forever.

There's something wrong with a place that subjects its people to this on a nightly basis.

But, then there IS Columbo on Sunday's. Maybe Walker is some kind of penance you have to pay. Seven nights of Walker for an hour and a half of Columbo.

Walker - violent, evil-doing secular world, fancy hat and boots.
Columbo - Italian, wise problem-solver, probably Catholic, to boot.

I have a headache. I must be on to something here.